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Tampilkan postingan dengan label Story. Tampilkan semua postingan
"sir kyai,as nonmoeslem,I like to ask to myself,Why Islam like making something rules that funny?”, a stranger
that block the way when kyai in the way to his house after he was gave rohani lecture

”Sorry sir,what do you mean?”, kyai said.Why can a stranger without permission and unpolite give opinion like this??

”Sorry,I heard in Islam that pigs is forbidden to eat for moeslem,isnt it?”,this man heard kyai when he give lecture about forbidden to eat Pigs today in the mosque. Apparently this person did intend to throw the problem

”Right sir”, kyai respond his question.

”But why,Your God, Allah swt  create this creature(pig) but forbidden to eat? is it useless,pigs was created but also forbidden to eat by human,isnt it?”, this man says his argument.Geez,this man is nosy,Kyai thought

”But this forbidden is only just for moeslem”, kyai respond it  slowly.

”But kyai,that create the pigs is yours God,isn't it?”, this man seemseager to bend Kyai with his scattered tongue skill that still looked stiff.Maybe seems try his science.

”what?,your God can't create this creature?”, kyai basically say his argue
”Ohh,of course it ca . But it was enough represented by your God”, This man still dispute.

”Oooo,so like that?”, kyai turn down his voice. His brain work harder than before.

”Yes sof course,why our god must be tired if the others can give facilities, This man further indulgence provocation.His face smile,we can see his victory smile,with confident smile,his thought he was succed defeat brain of  the Village man,Kyai kocak .He never know absolutely,maybe he is true,only a Village person,Buthis brain like graduated from Al-Azhar Univerisity in Kairo.

”So what kinds of things that your God made?”, clingngng!, like a lamps on kyai heads,brightly made an idea
”so many things”.,the man respond more confident.

”So did your God also create yourself?”, kyai respond quickly.

”Ooo of course. Human is more precious than anything. And also more precious than Piggy. So,my God didnt create Piggy,but choose to create human",the man answers with the high logical answer.

”And so,did your God also create your wife too?”, kyai still criticize his opinion.

”Wife?... ohh, Im sorry I didnt get Married”, He said.He lost his power.he get trap from the answers.

”About your status, its your problem. That I mean is,Did Your God also create Woman?”, kyai get the control.The lamp on his head shine Brighter than before.

”Are you Joking??yeah of  course,cuz the woman also human kind”the man lost of his control,his defence is in lowest point.

”but why you didnt get married?”, crash. Kyai turn back the man's words. Like a sword in the hands of men,Kyai bent towards to his chest .

”In our faith,Im is holy man and in this position,forbidden to get married”, the Man still save the last power of his thinking. He does not realize that a little more resistance will end.

”why you say like that ?”, kyai draining him and provoke him to more boldly.

”Because with that,I stay focused to serve God”, increasingly cornered the man, but still not aware that he cornered.

”But why did your god create a woman, whereas you yourself should not be married. Prohibit married women, even creating a women. It's a waste of energy,isnt it? "the last feed was given by kyai.

”Eit,wait in minute,be patient kyai, it applies only to me. Others are not. Please get married.But Pig is forbidden for all the moeslem ,isnt it? "

”Lhaa ... yes already finish. Pigs that was forbidden to all Muslims only, others are not. Please eat pork if it hooked.But  pigs never say her protest eventhought he is Haram/forbidden to eating,ever she?!"
 

Keh keh keh keh.,., Kyai laugh in his heart.The man went away leaving thekyaiwith hot flushes.
Suatu hari,di pesantren kyai kocak,ada seorang mahasiswa yang lagi research mengenai islam di kampung itu.Suatu ketika,saat matahri senja mulai tampak,ketika orang-orang bersiap mau shalat magrib,terdengarlah percakapan antara kyai kocak dan sang mahasiswa di tempat wudhu

”Pak kyai, I am so sorry. I want to ask you”, lagak seorang mahasiswa fakultas teosofi jurusan adu mulut saat pulang kampung. Baru satu tahun setengah dia kuliah di Jakarta.

”What do you asking about?”, kyai kampung kesambet jin muslim asal Inggris.




“He he he he pak kyai gaul juga”, mahasiswa teosofi surprise.

”Yaaaah, litel litel mah ai ken laah”, kyai sedikit agak lebay.

”Pak kyai, ane mau ngajak diskusi soal wudhu nih. Bisa kan?”, mahasiswa teosofi kelihatan lebih serius.

”Yes, of course”, lidah kyai kampung tiba-tiba lancer lagi Inggrisnya. “Why not?”

”Wudhu kita kan batal kalo kentut. Terus wudhu lagi. Kenapa ya, padahal yang kentut kan pantat, mengapa yang dibasuh muka dan yang lain-lain. Mengapa bukan pantat?”, mahasiswa teosofi membuka topik diskusi. Kyai kampung agak kurang bergairah. Berdasar pengalamnnya yang sudah-sudah, ngelayanin diskusi model begini, ujung-ujungnya adalah akal-akalan.

”Yaa kalo sampeyan mau basuh pantat sampeyan yang kentut, ya basuh saja, asalkan dilakukan sebelum wudhu”, kyai menjawab normatif saja.

”Sorry pak kyai, bukan itu maksudnya. Secara logika saya belum bisa memahami. Mengapa pantat yang kentut, tapi muka yang dibasuh? Engga masuk akal”, benar dugaan kyai, hanya akal-akalan.

”Ya karena tidak ada perintah membasuh pantat dalam wudhu, yang ada wajah. Soal wudhu bukan soal masuk akal atau tidak. Tapi soal ta’abbudi”, kyai masih setia melayani lewat jalur mormatif saja.

”Waah susah juga nih”, mahasiswa teosofi keluh-kesah. Dikiranya kyai tidak mengerti isis kepalanya.

”Maksud sampeyan apa sih?”, kyai pura-pura.

”Maksud saya mengapa harus wudhu lagi, mengapa bukan pantatnya saja yang dicuci? Gitu loh”, mahasiswa teosofi menganggap kyai benar-benar tidak mengerti.

”Loh, itu masuk akal, tahu”, kyai mulai meladeni dengan akal-akalan pula.

”Loh, yang masuk akal itu, kalau pantatnya yang dicuci, bukan muka dan yang lain”, mahasiswa teosofi sangat percaya pada logikanya.

”Loh, kok sampeyan ngotot”, kyai pura-pura terpojok.

”Loh, kyai juga kenapa ngotot”, mahasiswa teosofi balik menyerang kyai. Mukanya tegang. Urat lehernya kelihatan menonjol. Lagaknya seperti pendekar debat ala anggota dewan yang seneng adu mulut. Adu mulut melulu, rakyat kaga dipikirin.

”Saya ngotot karena sampeyan ngotot. Padahal dengan membasuh muka dengan sebab pantat yang kentut, itu sangat masuk akal”, kyai mengulang lagi jawabannya.

”Masuk akal bagaimana?”, mahasiswa teosofi nantang.

”Apa perlu saya buktikan?”, kyai nantang juga.

”Harus”, mahasiswa teosofi menjawab tegas. Tangannya ngepal layaknya sedang mimpin demo.

”Dengerin ya, jika satu saat ada orang tengah menjamu tamu-tamu istimewa di ruang tamu rumahnya, tiba-tia dia kentut. Menurut sampeyan, orang itu malu tidak?”, kyai kampung mulai beraksi.

”Ah, itu mah, semua orang juga pasti malu”, mahasiswa teosofi menjewab enteng. Seolah-olah sedang menghadapi calon mahasiswa yang sedang diplonco seniornya.

”Lah kalo orang itu sampeyan sendiri, sampeyan malu tidak?”, kyai mulai di atas angin.

”Ya malu lah”, mahasiswa teosofi masih menjawab enteng dan lebih mantap.

“Nah, yang malu muka sampeyan, apa pantat sampeyan?”, kyai melempar jurus pamungkas yang menohok, tapi sambil nyengir. Alisnya digerak-gerakan turun naik. Sebelah matanya merem, sebelahnya lagi melek agak melotot. Persis kaya Jaja Miharja lagi teriak, ”Apa an tuh!”.

”?$#@&^”, mahasiswa teosofi gagap.

”Masa ... yang malu muka, yang dicuci pantat. Masuk akal kan? Cuci sana muka sampeyan”, kyai ngeloyor masuk mesjid. Langkahnya tegap seperti Paskibraka di istana Merdeka. Ayunan tangannya yang lurus sebahu membuat besek di tangannya berayun seperti gerakan Kora-Kora di Dufan.

 Xixixixi ... diem-diem, kyai mules terpingkal-pingkal. Baru kali ini dia bicara persoalan pantat.NAh bisa diambil hikmah dari cerita diatas kan?

ORiginal Story : Abdul Mutaqin
EDitor               : Randy D'hotory


One day, In a Pesantren in the Sumber Waras Village (only a fictitious name), there lived a Kyai.He was very famous religious man because the ingenuity and science of religion is high, but remain humble.

One day, in the Pesantren


    "Pak Kyai, sorry, there were greetings from  Sunan Kudus", complained the Pesantren staff.


    "Wa'alaikumussalam. Se se se, how could you? ", Kyai surprised.


    
"Last night I dream Kanjeng
Sunan visited me ", pesantren staff went on.


    "Ooo ... yes yes yes. you're great. It rarely. By what kenjeng Sunan? ", Kyai praise. Pesantren staff  into a large head. His nose like a blossoming of new chips cooked on the griddle, broke to the right and left.


    "So kyai, eng, eng ...", the pesantren staff wanted to continue the conversation but looks doubtful.


    "How the hell Kanjeng Sunan. from the Far place away only  to see you, just talking like that ", Kyai catch strange symptom. Feelingnya as Kyai such as signaling something wrong.


    
"Anu kyai, Sunan Kanjeng send message to you raised me to be New Head of this Asrama",Finally his mouth opened.


    
"How to anyway,the old Head of this pesantren  still have served six months away", kyai began his curigation.


    "That Kanjeng Sunan mean, for next  five years after now,," pesantren staff rush to provide clarification.


    
"Masya Allaaaah, Sunan Kanjeng very attention to my pesantren, apparently. Until the head of the pesantren affairs just had to intervene ", Kyai relaxation. Pesantren staff seemed calm again.

    
"Sorry kyai, if kyai didnt believed , is okay. and I also did not have the ambition of leadership. It's just awful if the
Kanjeng Sunan message is not delivered . I find it difficult to convince because Sunan Kanjeng message only through a dream ", vibration kyai apparently worked. pesantren staff seemed more calm and enjoy.


    
"Yes ,yes, yes ... what's your name? ", Kyai give stimulus to the pesantren staff confidence.


    "Mahfudz, pak Kyai", pesantren staff answered firmly.


    
"Mr. Mahfudz, what time Kanjeng Sunan come in your dreams?", Signals something wrong behind the kyai turban.


    "At two o'clock in the morning kyai, just half an hour I fell asleep after my Tahajjud implementing", while religious scholars to convince cabin staff reported that he was diligently working on Tahajjud. According to him, the trick with a knife must outwit kyai religious analysis.


    
"What time did you wake up?", Kyai find a gap. Intellect cleverly began epektif work.


    
"At three or less fifteen, Kyai", cabin staff increasingly convinced that the trick will be successful. The contents of his head is full to overflowing with ambition as the head of the dormitory.


    "Ohhh I see", Kyai smile.


    
"Wonder what do you mean kyai?", Pesantren staff a little confused. Indeed she was teasing kyai unconscious.


    
"At three or less ten Kanjeng Sunan meet me in haste in a dream. His face was
sweaty like the seeds of corn. Sunan Kanjeng intention would meet you again, but you had already awake ", kyai eager to show that he was not an amateurs. Kyai must have a myriad of tactics to face cunning tongue amateur fighters.


    
"Then, met kyai so?", Well, the cabin staff began to lose patience.


    
"Exactly!", Kyai give false hope.


    
"Then, what to talk about the chairman of Sunan Kanjeng dorm?", Cabin staff began to wonder.


    
"Exactly!", Kyai more fun.


    
"Ah, it means I no longer need to feel bad. Because Kanjeng Sunan directly disclose kyai pleased. " Staff cottage convince himself, that his efforts will succeed 100%.


    
"Yes, but His become to apologize to you", kyai began flicked emotion of  Pesantren staff. Bit by bit and slowly.


    
"Why so, Kyai?", pesantren staff looked nervous.


    
"Kanjeng sunan send message to me, apologize to you", Kyai began to increase his flicked.


   
"What he say to you, kyai?", The pesantren staff had entered the trap.


    
"Yes, about the head of this Pesantren. Sunan Kanjeng apologize, because he was wrong to meet people. That Sunan would meet Mahmoud , er even Mahfudz. So Kanjeng Sunan see me make this message ",Kyai who finished the fight with the soft manner.


    
"Ah, maybe not like that, kyai, the time anyway, Sunan can either choose one?", I think the Pesantren staff still persisten


 "Yes you are asked Sunan Kanjeng there. Do not ask me! ".

wkwkwkkkw., Kyai resisted ,.,.^_^

Based story 
Rehat Bersama Kyai Kocak_ "Sunan Kudus Salah Orang”
Original story  : Abdul Mutaqin
Translator       : RandY D'Hotory
Editor               : Randy D'Hotory

*****keep Blogging get Inspiring,keep Reading Get Thinking******
Alkisah,disuatu pondok pesantren di desa Sumber waras(wkwkwk nama desanya ngarang bangets),hiduplah seorang kyai disebuah pondok pesantren di desa itu.Pak kyai itu sangat terkenal karena kecerdikan dan ilmu agamanya yang tinggi, tapi tetap rendah hati.

suatu hari,di pondok pesantren itu,
“Pak kyai, mohon maaf, ada salam dari Sunan Kudus”, staf pondok mengadu.

”Wa’alaikumussalam. Se se se, kok bisa?”, kyai heran.

”Tadi malam saya mimpi didatangi kanjeng Sunan”, staf pondok melanjutkan.

”Ooo ... ya ya ya. Sampeyan hebat. Jarang-jarang itu. Ngomong apa saja kenjeng Sunan?”, kyai memuji. Staf pondok besar kepala. Hidungnya mekar bak krupuk baru dijerang di atas wajan, merekah ke kanan dan ke kiri.

“Anu kyai, anu…”, staf pondok ingin melanjutkan pembicaraan tapi kelihatan ragu.

“Lah, gimana toh kanjeng Sunan. Jauh-jauh nemuin sampeyan, cuma ngomong anu … anu”, kyai menangkap gelagat aneh. Feelingnya sebagai kyai seperti memberi signal something wrong.

“Anu kyai, kanjeng Sunan titip pesan supaya kyai mengangkat saya jadi ketua asrama”, terbuka juga mulut staf pondok.

“Piye toh, ketua asrama yang lama masih harus menjabat enam bulan lagi”, kyai mulai curigation.

“Maksudnya kanjeng Sunan, untuk masa jabatan lima tahun berikutnya, kyai”, staf pondok buru-buru memberikan klarifikasi.

“Masya Allaaaah, kanjeng Sunan sangat perhatian pada pesantren saya rupanya. Sampe urusan ketua asrama saja harus turun tangan”, kyai memvibrasi relaksasi. Staf pondok kelihatan tenang lagi.

“Maaf kyai, jika kyai tidak berkenan, tidak apa-apa. Saya pun bukan orang yang ambisi jabatan. Hanya saja, tidak enak jika pesan kanjeng Sunan tidak disampaikan. Saya merasa sulit untuk meyakinkan karena pesan kanjeng Sunan hanya lewat mimpi”, vibrasi kyai rupanya manjur. Staf pondok kelihatan lebih tenang dan enjoy.

”Iya iya iya ... siapa nama sampeyan?”, kyai memberi stimulus supaya staf pondok itu percaya diri.

”Mahfudz, pak kyai”, staf pondok menjawab mantap.

”Pa Mahfudz, jam berapa kanjeng Sunan datang dalam mimpi sampeyan?”, signal something wrong di balik sorban kyai makin kenceng.

”Jam dua pagi kyai, persis setengah jam saya terlelap setelah saya tahajjud”, staf pondok meyakinkan kyai sambil melaporkan bahwa ia rajin tahajjud. Menurutnya, trik memperdaya kyai harus dengan pisau analisis agama.

”Jam berapa sampeyan bangun?”, kyai mencari celah. Akal cerdiknya mulai epektif bekerja.

”Jam tiga kurang seprapat, kyai”, staf pondok makin yakin bahwa triknya akan berhasil. Isi kepalanya sudah penuh sesak dengan ambisi sebagai kepala asrama.

”Ohhh panteeees”, kyai senyam senyum.

”Pantes apa kyai?”, staf pondok sedikit binggung. Sesungguhnya ia tidak sadar tengah diledek kyai.

”Jam tiga kurang sepuluh kanjeng Sunan nemui saya tergopoh-gopoh dalam mimpi. Wajahnya sampe keringetan sebesar besar biji jagung. Niatnya kanjeng Sunan mau nemui sampeyan lagi, tapi sampeyan sudah keburu bangun”, kyai ingin segera menunjukkan bahwa ia bukan kyai cere. Kyai harus punya segudang jurus menghadapi kelihaian pesilat amatiran.

“Terus, nemui kyai begitu?”, nah, staf pondok mulai kehilangan kesabaran.

“Persis!”, kyai memberi harapan semu.

“Lalu, apa kanjeng Sunan bicara soal ketua asrama?”, staf pondok mulai penasaran.

“Persis!”, kyai makin senang.

“Ah, berarti saya tidak perlu lagi merasa tidak enak hati. Sebab kanjeng Sunan berkenan menyampaikannya langsung pada kyai”, kena. Staf pondok meyakinkan dirinya, bahwa upayanya akan berhasil 100%.

”Ya, tapi kanjeng Sunan yang jadi engga enak sama sampeyan”, kyai mulai menyentil-nyentil emosi staf pondok. Sedikit-sedikit dan perlahan lahan.

”Mengapa begitu, kyai?”, staf pondok kelihatan mulai gelisah.

”Kanjeng sunan titip pesan pada saya, minta maaf pada sampeyan”, kyai mulai meningkatkan sentilannya.

”Soal apa kyai?”, staf pondok sudah masuk jebakan.

”Yoo, soal ketua asrama. Kanjeng Sunan minta maaf, beliau salah orang. Maksudnya Sunan mau nemui Mahmud, eh malah Mahfudz. Makanya kanjeng Sunan nemui saya buat nyempein pesan ini”, kyai menyudahi pertarungan dengan bahsa yang dilembut-lembutkan.

”Ah, gak mungkin kyai, masa, Sunan bisa salah milih orang?”, kayaknya staf pondok ngeyel.

”Yo sampeyan tanya sama kanjeng Sunan sana. Jangan sama saya!”.

wkwkwkkkw.,kyai dilawan,.,.^_^

(episode Rehat Bersama Kyai Kocak_ "Sunan Kudus Salah Orang” tamat )

Original story : Abdul Mutaqin

Editing By : Randy d'hotory
*****keep Blogging get Inspiring,keep Reading Get Thinking******

Fabel story for our life
When the dry season has just begun. A sparrow began tofeel his body heat, then accused of swearing in hostile environments. He thendecided to leave the place that long ago became its habitat, fly away to thenorth, which is always looking for cool air and cool. True, he slowly felt the cool air, the more to the northof the cool, the more excited he's flying spur further north again.

Carried away by passion, he did not feel the wings areattached to the snow began, increasingly thick, and finally he fell to theground because his body was wrapped in snow.

Up to the ground, the snow off the wings she became morebold. The sparrow could not do anything, think that history has been completed.He whimpered regretting his fate. At the sound of moans,a buffalo that happened to pass by him. But the bird was disappointed why thatcame just a buffalo. He rebuked the buffalo to move away and say that thecreature might be a fool not able to do something to help him.

The buffalo did not talk much, he just stood up, thenurinate right on top of the bird. The sparrows getting angry and swearing abuseat the buffalo. Again, the buffalo did not speak, he took a step back, andremove the dirt onto the body of the bird. Immediately the bird can not talkbecause buffalo dung buried. The Bird thinks again that death could notbreathe.

But slowly, he felt the warmth, the snow freezes to thefur slowly melted by the warmth of buffalo dung, he can breathe freely and lookback at the clear sky. The sparrows shout for joy, sing loudly.Hearing no soundof birds singing, a little kitten approached the sound source, extended hishand, scratching the body of the bird and then fondle, lick, stroke and cleanup the remnants of snow still clinging to the feathers of the bird. Once thefur is clean, the birds sang and danced for joy, she thought they had to get afriend a friendly and kind.

But what happened then, instantly felt the world was darkfor the birds, and history of the sparrows This is the end swallowed by thecat.

Hmm ... not hard to draw bright lines of this story,something that often happens in our lives: the page looks always greenerneighbors; appearance often becomes sizes; the bad often considered thedisaster and did not see the wisdom of playing in reverse, and feel proud of
favors a snap. Sparrow is amirror that reflects our faces .


See Also :
Kontroversi Pesta Sushi di Tubuh Wanita
Anda Suka Cokelat??kenali lebih banyak tentang cokelat..,.part 1
valentines day,.,sebnarnya boleh ga sehh??